Trial by Fire!
A confession: I lost my groove.
When the lockdowns arrived back in March I had just returned from an amazing painting trip in Big Sur. The dozen or so paintings from that trip are still sitting in my studio, nearly finished, just in need of some final touchups. Keep reading to find out why they're still just sitting there.
But first off, I want to offer a huge thanks to all of you that have supported my art through the years. Even though it's all nearly come to a halt lately, it's because of your ongoing support that our family here on Humboldt's coast is still holding steady in the face of mounting uncertainties. I pray you and yours are as well.
Maybe pour a cup of coffee and settle into this email. It's a long one. Or feel free to scroll and just enjoy the art sprinkled in...
Lockdown Live Sessions
Back in March/April I was distracted by the lockdown/pandemic and one meaningful path forward I had found was to just do what I could to help others, and while I know there many folks from all walks of life suffering the impacts of this pandemic, musicians were heavy on my heart. Contrary to popular belief, many musicians actually do make a living from performing shows, but the vast majority of them are not celebrities living lives of wealth and fame, but just playing their heart out at small festivals, bars, clubs, private events, arranging their own self-funded tours, selling their own self-produced albums. Just getting by. I can relate.
No venues for them meant no income for them at all. But we still had our spotifies, our youtubes, our itunes, our allofthat, and we could play all the music we wanted in our homes anytime we wanted so it was easy to forget about the music-makers out there because after all, we still had their music.
But they were not forgotten, and I wanted them to know it. I began doing live streams of live art alongside various musicians' live streams and auctioning the resulting paintings on my AidCurrent website. Sales from these Lockdown Live Sessions were split 50/50 with each musician. I wish I could have given them more- as a small independent artist it's not an easy season for me either.
Trial by Fire Series
The paintings that emerged from these efforts have surprised me. At the time I painted them, California was not on fire yet. This was back in May. I just felt like we were watching the world burn metaphorically through this covid crisis and ensuing lockdowns, and I kept coming back to this theme of fire. My hope was that these fire paintings, as oddly discomforting as they are, could speak some truth and even beauty to the challenge of our times.
The notes beneath the first three paintings were written right after painting them back in April and offer a snapshot of my mindset at the time. The last two were painted back in April as well, but I'm just finally getting around to making them available. I hope they speak to you of hope in some way beyond the momentary destruction they may portray.
Trial by Fire I
24" x 24"
Date painted: April 19, 2020
Music: Justin Fox
SOLD- Winning Bid: $475
As we watch the world burn around us, many of us are waking to the reality that we are truly non-essential. As artists, we’ve always known this. You can’t eat paintings. We’ll continue to forge ahead on the fringes while everyone else sorts out the falling chips. Some of us won’t make it. We chose to carve our own paths in life away from the safety of “real jobs” so we’ll get what we deserve in the end. I can accept this. But personally I don’t think anything sums up my feeling about creating art in these times better than this passage from the book of Psalms:
By the rivers of Babylon, there we sat down and wept, when we remembered Zion.
Upon the willows in the midst of it we hung our harps.
For there our captors demanded of us songs, and our tormentors mirth, saying,
“Sing us one of the songs of Zion.”
But how can we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?
There will be a time and place to paint better times and better places, but my heart is not there right now- too many people are hurting too deeply, and my own heart is too heavy. So for the moment, I have chosen instead to paint our world on fire. To meet the flames face to face. To accept them. To find beauty even in this tragedy. Without a forest fire, there can be no forest- the mighty sequoia needs fire to release its seeds and clear the ground for its young. Those three seeds in this painting might be my own three children preparing to take root in a world changed forever.
-April 20, 2020
Trial by Fire II
15" x 15"
Date painted: April 25, 2020
Music: Brother Yusef
SOLD- Winning Bid: $235
Technical difficulties stopped this live feed but they didn't stop the art. I was able to stream the music as long as I wasn't streaming back out, so I spent the rest of the night enjoying Brother Yusef’s high-energy one-man assault on a future without live music. It was a noble effort and by the end of the night this painting was the result.
Continuing on my current path facing our times with my art I am still consumed by visions of fire- we're all watching this world with so many lives, so many livelihoods, so many dreams burning to the ground. I only hope and pray that just like a forest needs a good fire now and then to stay healthy, perhaps this will be the fire we need. My heart goes out to all who are hurting and feeling loss- everything about this hurts. Deeply.
But the element of fire, the burning sun, is the source of physical light and warmth that makes earthly life possible. It's an element that in some ways defines our humanity as well. Our passion to create will never be put out. For folks like Brother Yusef, his music burns brightly. Others burn with art, or poetry, or dance, or any number of these creative things- unessential all of them. We can’t eat them. They don’t protect us from danger or disease or death. Some of them can’t even be taxed. And yet these are things we can't live without- and even if we did we could hardly call it life at all.
-April 26, 2020
Trial by Fire III
15" x 15"
Date painted: April 28, 2020
Music: Gino Meregillano
SOLD- Winning Bid: $500
Continuing to watch the world burn and thinking of fire. What a tragic thing, a good thing, a frightening thing, and a life-saving thing it can be. All at once in this one. Some of us are watching the fire creep over the hills and march toward our cities, our homes, our lives. Some of us are living through the fire of loss right now. Others are still relatively comfortable and watching from a distance- sort of like camping just out of range of a raging wildfire, only the difference is now we know this fire isn't only burning forests. It's taking lives, and stealing livelihoods.
-April 29, 2020
These Last Two Are Up For Auction Now!
Back in May when these were painted, California was not on fire. Now we’re locked down with the pandemic and choking in smoke and people we know are losing homes, livelihoods and some of them even their lives to actual fires still burning. This is a terrible time to live through. I started these live paintings with the fire themes to keep the art ball rolling and support musicians while our world burned around us metaphorically, but with these actual fires raging now, it seems better to just donate my portion to help with fire relief instead.
50% of these sales will go to the musicians as originally planned, and the other 50% will go to DirectRelief.org and be earmarked for “California Wildfires”. They are a well-respected relief organization with a tradition of transparent, direct and targeted assistance, provided in a manner that respects and involves the people served.
And this is about more than my art, this about regular people helping regular people. If you know of anyone that might appreciate what we're doing here, please spread the word. Every bit helps right now. The more we spread the word, the more opportunity these little paintings will have to make a difference in a world full of challenges.
Trial by Fire IV
15" x 15"
Date painted: May 7, 2020
Music: Paolo Sgallini - live from Italy
BID HERE NOW!
Auction ends Saturday Sept 26 @7:45pm
Buy Now Price: $500 $450 for email list subscribers!
When this pandemic took hold in Italy and we saw their country slowly descend into complete lockdown, shutting down all public spaces, my heart went out to all of Italy. It was an honor to team up with Paolo back in May, who had been out of work as a full-time musician since the pandemic started. He played his heart out one evening from his living room in Italy while I painted the morning away alongside him from my studio here in California. A minor miracle of modern technology.
Why the Garibaldi? I wanted to honor Italy with the Garibaldi. Yes it’s California’s state fish, but it was named after the father of modern day Italy’s independence. From California, to Italy, with love.
So there.
Trial by Fire V
15" x 15"
Date painted: May 8, 2020
Music: Luca Battistini - live from Italy
BID HERE NOW!
Auction ends Saturday Sept 26 @8pm
Buy Now Price: $500 $450 for email list subscribers!
This wasn’t my first time painting live with Luca Battistini. Back in September I found myself at a beach party in Italy last September where Luca was playing (that's a whole other story). Italian artist Vicenzo Ganadu was kind enough to share a canvas with me and we went to town tag-teaming a large panel together. Neither of us spoke enough of the other’s language to communicate verbally, but thankfully art and music is a universal language. The Italian surf community welcomed me into their world with open arms. It was clear that as a culture they held a deep appreciation of art and beauty and life.
I was inspired to dig a little deeper before painting this one with Luca and found myself drawn to the Canticle of the Sun, a poem by St. Francis of Assisi, one of the most influential Italian thinkers, where he speaks of the sun and the wind and fire as brothers, the moon and the water and mother earth herself as sisters. It is a beautiful piece of praise to God that draws us to a deeper connection with the natural world that shapes and sustains us.
After 5 paintings of forest fires, I was drawn to the idea of fire itself as a blessing, and as a brother. As catastrophic as it is when it devours all in its path, fire is also an essential part of our humanity. It protects us from the cold. It transforms raw ingredients into satisfying meals. It powers the forges that shapes our tools. It illuminates the darkest night. Without it we’d be cold and hungry, stumbling about in the dark.
Painted in May, Auctioned in September? What Gives?
Yeah, it's been a rough year...
How to Make an Artist Disappear
I guess the first step is as simple as the pandemic. My art depends on traveling the state and when that seemed to be taken away in the early days, that was where the bolts that hold the wheels on this train began to rust. The day I painted that last painting with Luca playing music from Italy, the bolts snapped off altogether.
The next steps to making this artist disappear get a bit personal, so without too many details, here's two paintings (and a poem) that touch on the life events that took my attention from art these last 6 months or so...
Explanation of Silence: Part I⠀
Thou Shalt Not Steal⠀
12” x 12” painted on location ⠀
In the home where I grew up⠀
A porcelain monk lived on the kitchen counter⠀
Belly full of cookies⠀
Admonishing us not to steal⠀
Back when the house was full of sneaky fingers⠀
⠀
I saw him enter the kitchen one day⠀
30 years ago⠀
Something clearly wrong⠀
Part of him had vanished⠀
Struggling for the words⠀
To tell me that my grandpa was gone⠀
His father⠀
The pastor⠀
The preacher⠀
Thou Shalt Not Steal⠀
⠀
Fiercely independent⠀
Now 78⠀
Yet socially engaged like a teenager⠀
A calendar with no empty days⠀
Erased by a global pandemic⠀
A solitary castaway⠀
In the island of his own home⠀
In the socially distanced archipelago of our lives⠀
The dispatches from neighboring islands indicate⠀
That something was clearly wrong⠀
Talking differently⠀
Slurring words⠀
Isolation taking its toll⠀
Or a stroke of something worse?⠀
⠀
I’ve traveled this road all my life⠀
And so did my father⠀
Miles on our odometers until the math became meaningless⠀
Never expecting to find him at the end of the road⠀
Beneath these parting clouds⠀
No longer driving⠀
Not even moving⠀
In his chair⠀
Eyes rolled back⠀
His face lifted to the heavens⠀
Feet still on the ground⠀
But getting lighter with each labored breath⠀
⠀
911⠀
Caught before he drifted off⠀
3 more weeks in the hospital⠀
Confined to his little room⠀
A castaway once again⠀
He’d build rafts out of medical equipment ⠀
And attempt to set sail to freedom⠀
Always thwarted by the tide of nurses⠀
As he floated down the corridors toward the exit⠀
⠀
He’s back home now⠀
In the house where he raised his children⠀
But at any moment⠀
I brace for the news⠀
That he’s built a raft out of old family photos⠀
And managed to sail away⠀
⠀
We hope his sailing days are done for now⠀
His final voyage a long way off⠀
But when it finally comes⠀
And his home is left empty⠀
As that porcelain monk ⠀
I will remember⠀
That there is nothing⠀
No illness⠀
No hardship⠀
Nor even a global pandemic⠀
That can steal our joy⠀
Or our hope⠀
Or our love⠀
⠀
Hold on to what matters⠀
And say to the thieves that try to take it all away⠀
⠀
Thou Shalt Not Steal
Explanation of Silence: Part II⠀
This Machine Converts Money Into Noise ⠀
20” x 16”⠀Plein Air⠀
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For a brief window back in mid-summer it seemed the covid restrictions were easing a bit, Dad’s health was stabilized, a long overdue site rebuild was complete and I could see daylight at last. We ventured south for a quick visit so pops could see his grandkids, enjoyed a much needed anniversary date with my wife, and even heard a live piano player on State Street in Santa Barbara. It nearly brought me to tears just hearing a musician making music for humans again. We were distanced, we were cautious, but like the first shoots of green after a long dark winter… it was beautiful. ⠀
⠀
Driving back the next morning, a speeding white truck passed us on the right, veering halfway out of their lane and onto the shoulder, only to collide just ahead of us into a parked Caltrans work truck. I braced for impact, hoping to get through unscathed. The truck flew into Amie’s side of the van, which forced us into another car on my side. All I could think is that Amie was gone. When I finally regained enough control to ask if she was ok, and she said yes, well, it’s weird to say one could wrestle and steer a completely wrecked van onto the shoulder with joy, but that is what I did. ⠀
⠀
The next few weeks were a scramble of insurance calls, finding a new van, ripping all the good stuff out of my old van and swapping it into the new one. My painting platform was a conundrum until we found out the Atlas Vans shop was across from the tow yard who could handle the installation quick and easy. ⠀⠀
This was painted for them on a bright morning in Ventura. With the help of their crew, along with my family, and even an art collector in Ventura that stepped up and spent a whole day helping with the van swap- I’m ready to roll again. ⠀
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But I think I’ll stay home awhile and work on some studio paintings for awhile instead.⠀
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And there you have it. Two life-altering events in the middle of a global catastrophe is apparently all that it takes to send me off the radar. Well, there was one other detail I mentioned that you may have missed...
Explanation of Silence: Part III
In the middle of all of this I took some time to completely overhaul my website from the ground up. It doesn't look all that different, but it should work a lot better and be a lot more fun to browse around. Check it out if you like:
mattbeardart.com
There you have it.
If you are a musician, or know of one that would be up for a live art/live music/live stream collaboration, let's talk. No more fire paintings though. I painted fire, and then everything caught on fire. From now on I want to paint peaceful good times, and maybe in a few months the world will catch on peace and goodness instead. You never know...
Once again, you are all my heroes. Thank you for reading to the end. I look forward to hearing from you, feel free to share your thoughts, what you've been up to, all that. I might not get back right away, but I read everything eventually and it means the world to know you all are out there pulling for me.
Cheers, and looking forward to better times for us all. Stay safe out there.
Matt Beard